Themes

I think that if my life was going to have a theme, it would be: "Well that shit didn't pan out, did it? Ya dummie..."

That's not to say that my life is bad, I absolutely love what I've accomplished! But coming back here, home to my dear, sweet blog, it always slaps me in the face how different my life is than I thought it would be. I guess no one ever knows how things are going to shake out, I just happen to have a published internet log of all the directions I thought my life would go and almost none of those things worked out.

But I've never had a problem with starting over, now have I?

That's not to say that things have been easy. I'm embarrassed to admit that after losing my little family, I spiraled a bit and did some things that I'm not proud of. Selfish things, only designed to make myself feel better for a little while. I would apologize if I thought it would mean anything, but what could I say? "Hey, sorry I was a total bitch but I was really, really sad." Doesn't seem like it would do the trick. All I could do at the time was keep my head down and keep breathing.

I'm doing better now though! I finished that Legal Studies degree out of sheer spite (I swear, spite is what got me through my darkest of moments), however I'm not currently working in the legal field. Turns out I happen to be really good at turning a wrench, and landed an amazing job (with awesome benefits, I might add) at a Semi-conductor company. It's a bit complicated but the short version is that our company helps make micro-chips. One of the perks of the gig? Connor works upstairs for the same company!

Connor, Tara, and myself in Vancouver BC

We're all still solid friends, of course. I guess some things don't change after all? Tara and I still have the best crafty conversations, and we've really been inspiring one another to pursue our passions! She taught me how to spin and I help her carry her spoils back to the car whenever we go to a fiber festival! I think it's a fair trade.

Due to Tara's wisdom I've developed skills I never would have pursued otherwise. I've found quite a lot of happiness in spinning, and seem to be doing okay at it so far.

After plying, before washing

After washing, drying, and winding.

 We already have passes to the Knot Another Fiber Festival that's taking place in Silverton, OR this April. We've been debating on which classes to take. There are just so many good ones to choose from... Let's just say that Stephanie Pearl-McPhee and Judith MacKenzie are high on my list of people to learn from.

And I still knit, of course:


I'm a sucker for gradients...

And Christmas knitting for 2017 went swimmingly. I got a lot of love for the presents handed out this year. Lauren and Sarah are finally old enough that I don't have to worry about them washing their hand knits, or setting them on fire or anything.

There's also the guy. Or should I say, there's two guys... There's my wonderful partner, Ryan, who has supported me in all of my endeavors for over a year now:

And then there's Digdug who, although he's a recent addition to the household, is already a crowd favorite:

Pretty sure he's half Pomeranian, half Muppet.

Between these two handsome devils, good friends, and good fiber, I'm doing better than I have in a long time.

Stay tuned for the next episode: "Is she actually back to blogging or is this just a fluke?"

Unforseeable Circumstances

I never wanted to have to write this. Hell, I never thought this would even be a possibility but here it goes...

I do not have my little family anymore.

I know it seems sudden, just a few weeks ago I was talking about family, being a mother figure, and about life-long commitment, yet here I am single and without my little Goose by my side (or in my lap, or trying to push all the keys on my keyboard, or smooshing my face in between her teeny hands and laughing at my silly expressions). Let me tell you my lovlies, this has hit me like a Mack truck to the chest.

I refuse to participate in the blame game, I think that's a sophomoric response to grief that too many grown adults fall into and it isn't productive to anyone. What I will say is this: It takes two to tango. In every break-up, separation, divorce, there is almost always flaws and failings in both parties. I also have to believe that if both people are invested enough, they can work through any problem. With all that said, however, it is simply impossible for one person in a relationship to hold together something broken, no matter how hard they try.

Sometimes it seems like life is determined to trample you into the mud until there's nothing left of you but broken bones and shattered expectations, and it is so easy to just lay there and resign yourself to the pain and disappointment. If you learn nothing else from me my lovelies, learn this: Although it is not always possible to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, it is always possible to keep breathing (unless you literally die, in that case you just do you). And maybe that's what this post is to me, a ragged exhale that leads to another and another with the distant hope that one day my bones won't be broken anymore.

Until then I'll just have to keep breathing, and working, and going to school, and knitting, and at the end of it all, if all else fails, I can always find comfort in the fact that I did my best.

Busy Bee

Today is the 9th of April, and in a mere 4 days my lovlies, I will be hopping on a plane with Adeline, Jarred's brother, Jarred's mom, and her fiance, and where will we be going you ask? To Fort Benning Georgia to see Jarred graduate from Army Basic Training! Needless to say it's been a little crazy around here, getting everything ready for the trip, making sure that Addie will have everything she needs on the airplane to keep entertained. It should be rather interesting, I've traveled the world before but never with a toddler...

Another thing to keep me busy other than Jarred graduating and coming home, I'm going back to school! I got accepted into this great Paralegal program at a small private college it's a condensed program so in a year and a half I'll be a certified Paralegal with an Associates of Applied Science in Legal Studies. Let me tell you, sometimes it takes a little while, my lovlies, to find what you really want to do in this world, and let me also tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But that's a rant of self discovery for another time, the point of this post is that I'm a very busy little bee, but not too busy to spend a little time on the things that I love.

 

 Every time I've had a spare moment in the last few weeks, I've worked on a row or two of this garter stitch scarf. It's made from some bargain-bin yarn that's supposed to be the colors of some sports team, but I don't really do the sports (much to Jarred's chagrin). So I just assume that it's supposed to represent the Hufflepuff House, which is totally my House (Yes, I'm a Potterhead, don't act surprised)! It took a while... If my math is correct then I spent approximately ten and a half hours doing the same stitch over and over and over. I found it weirdly therapeutic. So much of my life has been a little outside my control lately so it was meditative to do something so repetitive. That sounds kind of odd doesn't it?

 

Please ignore the naked dolls on the table, Addie's new favorite thing to do is undress her barbies.

 I also knit up a little hat for Goose. She quite liked it, five minutes after this was taken it became a sleeping bag for her barbies. She doesn't really use it as a hat anymore, but as long as she uses it for something I'm pleased.

I've worked halfheartedly on a couple other projects here and there but nothing to show off, but you guys know I do some of my best knitting on planes so I'm sure I'll crank out something interesting. And a last bit of parting advice before I go, no matter how busy you are always make time for being a little silly with someone you love. 

Heyyy stranger...

This is sufficiently awkward. I mean, last time we talked I was all: "I'm going to make an effort to come back to you blog, be patient with me and let's learn and change and grow together!" and then I was gone. What can I say, other than I'm sorry? One day you think you're fine and you've gotten back on the horse, train, whatever, and then next day you're out a job, back living with your mom, and single, and you look at your blog full of adventures and smiles and good times and you just feel like a failure. Even thinking about writing about your now lame life feels like the kind of narcissism that you only see in celebrities who are famous for doing nothing. I debated not coming back at all, or starting something a new blog entirely, but then I remembered that I really liked my blog title and didn't want to lose it so spent 20 minutes trying to remember my logon password.

So let me see if I can catch you up, it has been a loooooong while. Where to start?

Connor and I broke up, a while ago now, but that's not the important part. The important part is that we're still swell friends. Sometimes things don't work out, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. There is no universal law in the Big Book of Breakups that you cannot be friends with your ex.

This is us posing with some creepy creature at the putt putt course, because nothing says "We still like and respect each other" like participating in an alien themed mini-golf tournament.

Besides if we hadn't gone our separate ways romantically speaking he would have never gotten together with the ethereal beautiful and amazingly clever Tara, who I'm pretty sure is a magical fairy from an alternate dimension made entirely out of light and beauty (both the dimension and Tara herself are made out of light and beauty in this scenario).

She's just the tops. We have the greatest crafting conversations.

Let's see, what else is new since we last chatted....

Well there's Jason:

Jason and his lovely lady Hannah

It's weird to think that the last time I wrote a blog, there was no Jason (because obviously he could not have existed before he met me!). You remember that job I talked about losing earlier? Jason was my boss at said job, and let me tell you, he was very bossy! Don't worry, he didn't fire me or anything like that (that would have put a strain on the friendship!) but after working together for a while we did become BFFs (or "besties" as he, so manly, describes it). He is like my brother, my Obi-wan, and my Jimmeny Cricket all rolled into one. And our families have played along in this bestie business too, it's awesome! My mom has kind of unofficially adopted him and he's a player in all the major events like Thanksgiving and Christmas. And his family does awesome things like invites me to Disney World with them.

That is not even a joke, they took me to Disney World with them on their family vacation. It was so beyond amazing, and don't even get me started on going to Orlando Studios and visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, because I will never stop talking about it. The long and short of it is that he and his family are neat.

So a lot has changed in the recent years but let me introduce the most important piece to you, my family:

This is my family. My boyfriend Jarred and his daughter Adeline.

Jarred and I met through work (I have a new job now, can't stay unemployed forever!) and even from the first day I had a huge crush on him. He ended up getting a job somewhere else so that he could ask me out (our first date we went to a comic book shop, it was perfect). He is clever and kind and the absolute best father to Adeline.

He is also a Soldier in the United States Army National Guard.

He looks so serious here, but he's the biggest softie ever, I swear.

Right now he's away for training in Georgia and Adeline and I miss him something fierce. He's been away for exactly 96 days but the good news is that he's due home in a few weeks!

Until then it's me and Gooseberry (I call her such because she is one silly goose) with love and support from all of his family and mine.

It's crazy how things happen, isn't it? A few years ago I was traveling the world with no major life goal, riding elephants, and eating things from food carts that were seriously questionable, and now I have my own little family; a soldier and a little one to care for and protect. Three years ago if you had asked me where I would be in the spring of 2016 I would have said on a plane or maybe working just long enough to afford another ticket out of town. I never expected this, but I don't think I've ever been more satisfied.

Yes, this is my little sister Lauren graduating High School. Yikes!

The gang! Jason, myself, Connor, and Tom.

Stay tuned for more from this crazy life. Next time I swear to Stephanie Pearl-McPhee that I will post photos and stories of my knitting adventures.

Nothing gold can stay.

So I've been away for a while. I cannot think of a way to sum up everything that has happened, nor can I come up with an entirely valid excuse as to why I've been away so long. All I can do to explain my absence is tell you that life seldom works out like you've planned it. One day you're traveling the world and experiencing a thrilling life, and then next day you come home to find that things aren't quite how you left them. It's no one's fault that things are different, it's the nature of the world for things to change, but in order for life to continue moving in a fluid way, you have to be willing to change too. I hate to say it my lovelies, but I am sometimes not so good at change.

So when I got back from abroad and the world was different from what I remembered, I did not handle it well. I am ashamed to admit that I ran away and hid. I isolated myself from the people I love, I didn't communicate my fear or pain, and worst of all, I let my inspiration and passion wilt. There was a time that I didn't knit anything for about six months. That may sound trivial and unimportant but knitting is something that I love dearly and to walk away from it was heartbreaking for me. To stare at a basket of yarn and not get a single idea, to pick up my needles and have them feel wrong in my hands, to drive by a yarn store and not even have the slightest interest in stopping by. It's like a part of me was broken, it's like I knew that knitting made me happy and I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy anymore.

Over the last handful of months I've been trying to get better. I've been trying to communicate more and I've been trying to be okay with being happy again. I started knitting again and at first it was just a few rows here and there but last week I finished a pair of socks.

    
It's nothing fancy but the point is that I started and finished. It felt really good to finish something that I had set out to do. It made me proud of myself and that's something I don't feel very often. It's not that I don't have reasons to be proud of my life, I'm just not a prideful person so when I feel that emotion it's a rarity.

So I'm starting to get better and little by little I'm finding myself again. I can't promise you that I'm going to be the perfect blogger, and I can't promise you that I'm going to be back for good, but I can promise you that I will keep trying.

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and patient with me in this difficult time, it's more love and dedication than I ever expected and I feel truly honored to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Standby for more blog posts, hopefully the ones in the future will be a little more funny and a little less depressing.

-Alexis

Making amends and catching up.

Well blog, it has been quite a while. I mostly got caught up in the frenzy of moving home again and celebrating my 21st birthday, and then Christmas with my family, but it's no excuse and I apologize for my lack of blogging. Lack of blogging, however, does not mean that there has been a lack of knitting. Since there would be too much to shove into one blog post, I'll just give you the cliff notes version.

Since you last heard from me:

We left Timor. Said goodbye to Angela, our wonderful mana/housekeeper/fixer of broken things and then jumped on a plane to Bali. I'd post pictures of that, but I didn't take any.

From there we jumped to Singapore. Now that I have pictures of.

On our first day there we rode the Singapore Flyer; the world's largest Ferris Wheel.

 I knit while admiring the view, and Carrick ventured bravely forward, even though he wasn't thrilled by the prospect of being so high off the ground.

Later we went to the Singapore Zoo and saw phenomenal things.

It started raining (and by that I mean dumping all the water in the atmosphere onto our heads), but we got ponchos and stuck it out.

After that we rode a train 9 hours to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. We saw the sights and made a Canadian friend called Tom (he's the blonde one)!

We didn't stay in Malaysia long though, because the next stop on our trip had all of us excited (even Tom, he came along with us!) Bangkok, Thailand!

We went to the Great King's palace and got caught in another storm (no ponchos this time).

We watched the River Goddess festival from a bridge.

We saw some beautiful things in Bangkok. And then the boys had to be boys by eating scorpions.

Then we ended the trip abroad with a 15 hour (yes, fifteen hour) train ride North West to Chiang Mai, Thailand where we:

Rode in rickshaws,

posed like supermodels with out comically tiny coffee,

and all the other low-key, touristy things.

And after our adventure was over, we came home to celebrate birthdays and Christmas with our loved ones. I'd get into all the knitting I did while I was away and for Christmas 2012, but that would make this less of a post and more of a novel. I'll catch you up soon, I promise.

Alexis for the win!

So a few weeks ago the package from home with all of my yarn in it finally made its way to Timor. Since then I have been a knitting fiend. In about a week and a half I knit a sweater. A cute little spring cardi with three-quarter length sleeves. Now I'm starting on the next one and have almost finished the back panel. I'm not going to tell you what the latter one is, just in case I don't finish it and then I'll forever be hounded with questions like: "What about that one sweater you said you were knitting that one time?" So instead it will be a surprise. As for the one that I already made? Well here you go.

This is Miette.

 I used Kashmira Sensations 100% Wool in Color #57. Not the best name for a color, I admit, but the yarn worked up nicely. The only little thing was that I had to be careful while blocking not to agitate it too much because this stuff is super felt-able. That's something I'll have to keep an eye on whenever I'm washing this sucker.

Please ignore the messy ponytail and the bare feet. I woke up about five minutes before these were taken and I was running late for a Skype chat with my mom. Pay attention only to the sweater.

This was an attempt to capture the eyelet pattern that highlights the neck, sleeves, and bottom edging.

Connor told me to "do the model hip-sticky-outie thingy" and I did my best to comply without laughing in his face.

So that's my latest conquest. Stay tuned for the next installment of "Neat crap Alexis has knitted with limited resources".

P.S. Many thanks to Connor for sucking it up when I threw the camera at him this morning and said: "I've got three minutes before my Skype date, take pictures of me in the sweater, hurry, hurry! The lighting is best in the hallway, come on, hurry up. No, no, not yet, I have to button it!" You are the best my love. Thank you for putting up with me and helping spread my crazy to others.