Unforseeable Circumstances

I never wanted to have to write this. Hell, I never thought this would even be a possibility but here it goes...

I do not have my little family anymore.

I know it seems sudden, just a few weeks ago I was talking about family, being a mother figure, and about life-long commitment, yet here I am single and without my little Goose by my side (or in my lap, or trying to push all the keys on my keyboard, or smooshing my face in between her teeny hands and laughing at my silly expressions). Let me tell you my lovlies, this has hit me like a Mack truck to the chest.

I refuse to participate in the blame game, I think that's a sophomoric response to grief that too many grown adults fall into and it isn't productive to anyone. What I will say is this: It takes two to tango. In every break-up, separation, divorce, there is almost always flaws and failings in both parties. I also have to believe that if both people are invested enough, they can work through any problem. With all that said, however, it is simply impossible for one person in a relationship to hold together something broken, no matter how hard they try.

Sometimes it seems like life is determined to trample you into the mud until there's nothing left of you but broken bones and shattered expectations, and it is so easy to just lay there and resign yourself to the pain and disappointment. If you learn nothing else from me my lovelies, learn this: Although it is not always possible to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, it is always possible to keep breathing (unless you literally die, in that case you just do you). And maybe that's what this post is to me, a ragged exhale that leads to another and another with the distant hope that one day my bones won't be broken anymore.

Until then I'll just have to keep breathing, and working, and going to school, and knitting, and at the end of it all, if all else fails, I can always find comfort in the fact that I did my best.