Unforseeable Circumstances

I never wanted to have to write this. Hell, I never thought this would even be a possibility but here it goes...

I do not have my little family anymore.

I know it seems sudden, just a few weeks ago I was talking about family, being a mother figure, and about life-long commitment, yet here I am single and without my little Goose by my side (or in my lap, or trying to push all the keys on my keyboard, or smooshing my face in between her teeny hands and laughing at my silly expressions). Let me tell you my lovlies, this has hit me like a Mack truck to the chest.

I refuse to participate in the blame game, I think that's a sophomoric response to grief that too many grown adults fall into and it isn't productive to anyone. What I will say is this: It takes two to tango. In every break-up, separation, divorce, there is almost always flaws and failings in both parties. I also have to believe that if both people are invested enough, they can work through any problem. With all that said, however, it is simply impossible for one person in a relationship to hold together something broken, no matter how hard they try.

Sometimes it seems like life is determined to trample you into the mud until there's nothing left of you but broken bones and shattered expectations, and it is so easy to just lay there and resign yourself to the pain and disappointment. If you learn nothing else from me my lovelies, learn this: Although it is not always possible to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, it is always possible to keep breathing (unless you literally die, in that case you just do you). And maybe that's what this post is to me, a ragged exhale that leads to another and another with the distant hope that one day my bones won't be broken anymore.

Until then I'll just have to keep breathing, and working, and going to school, and knitting, and at the end of it all, if all else fails, I can always find comfort in the fact that I did my best.

Busy Bee

Today is the 9th of April, and in a mere 4 days my lovlies, I will be hopping on a plane with Adeline, Jarred's brother, Jarred's mom, and her fiance, and where will we be going you ask? To Fort Benning Georgia to see Jarred graduate from Army Basic Training! Needless to say it's been a little crazy around here, getting everything ready for the trip, making sure that Addie will have everything she needs on the airplane to keep entertained. It should be rather interesting, I've traveled the world before but never with a toddler...

Another thing to keep me busy other than Jarred graduating and coming home, I'm going back to school! I got accepted into this great Paralegal program at a small private college it's a condensed program so in a year and a half I'll be a certified Paralegal with an Associates of Applied Science in Legal Studies. Let me tell you, sometimes it takes a little while, my lovlies, to find what you really want to do in this world, and let me also tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But that's a rant of self discovery for another time, the point of this post is that I'm a very busy little bee, but not too busy to spend a little time on the things that I love.

 

 Every time I've had a spare moment in the last few weeks, I've worked on a row or two of this garter stitch scarf. It's made from some bargain-bin yarn that's supposed to be the colors of some sports team, but I don't really do the sports (much to Jarred's chagrin). So I just assume that it's supposed to represent the Hufflepuff House, which is totally my House (Yes, I'm a Potterhead, don't act surprised)! It took a while... If my math is correct then I spent approximately ten and a half hours doing the same stitch over and over and over. I found it weirdly therapeutic. So much of my life has been a little outside my control lately so it was meditative to do something so repetitive. That sounds kind of odd doesn't it?

 

Please ignore the naked dolls on the table, Addie's new favorite thing to do is undress her barbies.

 I also knit up a little hat for Goose. She quite liked it, five minutes after this was taken it became a sleeping bag for her barbies. She doesn't really use it as a hat anymore, but as long as she uses it for something I'm pleased.

I've worked halfheartedly on a couple other projects here and there but nothing to show off, but you guys know I do some of my best knitting on planes so I'm sure I'll crank out something interesting. And a last bit of parting advice before I go, no matter how busy you are always make time for being a little silly with someone you love. 

Heyyy stranger...

This is sufficiently awkward. I mean, last time we talked I was all: "I'm going to make an effort to come back to you blog, be patient with me and let's learn and change and grow together!" and then I was gone. What can I say, other than I'm sorry? One day you think you're fine and you've gotten back on the horse, train, whatever, and then next day you're out a job, back living with your mom, and single, and you look at your blog full of adventures and smiles and good times and you just feel like a failure. Even thinking about writing about your now lame life feels like the kind of narcissism that you only see in celebrities who are famous for doing nothing. I debated not coming back at all, or starting something a new blog entirely, but then I remembered that I really liked my blog title and didn't want to lose it so spent 20 minutes trying to remember my logon password.

So let me see if I can catch you up, it has been a loooooong while. Where to start?

Connor and I broke up, a while ago now, but that's not the important part. The important part is that we're still swell friends. Sometimes things don't work out, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. There is no universal law in the Big Book of Breakups that you cannot be friends with your ex.

This is us posing with some creepy creature at the putt putt course, because nothing says "We still like and respect each other" like participating in an alien themed mini-golf tournament.

Besides if we hadn't gone our separate ways romantically speaking he would have never gotten together with the ethereal beautiful and amazingly clever Tara, who I'm pretty sure is a magical fairy from an alternate dimension made entirely out of light and beauty (both the dimension and Tara herself are made out of light and beauty in this scenario).

She's just the tops. We have the greatest crafting conversations.

Let's see, what else is new since we last chatted....

Well there's Jason:

Jason and his lovely lady Hannah

It's weird to think that the last time I wrote a blog, there was no Jason (because obviously he could not have existed before he met me!). You remember that job I talked about losing earlier? Jason was my boss at said job, and let me tell you, he was very bossy! Don't worry, he didn't fire me or anything like that (that would have put a strain on the friendship!) but after working together for a while we did become BFFs (or "besties" as he, so manly, describes it). He is like my brother, my Obi-wan, and my Jimmeny Cricket all rolled into one. And our families have played along in this bestie business too, it's awesome! My mom has kind of unofficially adopted him and he's a player in all the major events like Thanksgiving and Christmas. And his family does awesome things like invites me to Disney World with them.

That is not even a joke, they took me to Disney World with them on their family vacation. It was so beyond amazing, and don't even get me started on going to Orlando Studios and visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, because I will never stop talking about it. The long and short of it is that he and his family are neat.

So a lot has changed in the recent years but let me introduce the most important piece to you, my family:

This is my family. My boyfriend Jarred and his daughter Adeline.

Jarred and I met through work (I have a new job now, can't stay unemployed forever!) and even from the first day I had a huge crush on him. He ended up getting a job somewhere else so that he could ask me out (our first date we went to a comic book shop, it was perfect). He is clever and kind and the absolute best father to Adeline.

He is also a Soldier in the United States Army National Guard.

He looks so serious here, but he's the biggest softie ever, I swear.

Right now he's away for training in Georgia and Adeline and I miss him something fierce. He's been away for exactly 96 days but the good news is that he's due home in a few weeks!

Until then it's me and Gooseberry (I call her such because she is one silly goose) with love and support from all of his family and mine.

It's crazy how things happen, isn't it? A few years ago I was traveling the world with no major life goal, riding elephants, and eating things from food carts that were seriously questionable, and now I have my own little family; a soldier and a little one to care for and protect. Three years ago if you had asked me where I would be in the spring of 2016 I would have said on a plane or maybe working just long enough to afford another ticket out of town. I never expected this, but I don't think I've ever been more satisfied.

Yes, this is my little sister Lauren graduating High School. Yikes!

The gang! Jason, myself, Connor, and Tom.

Stay tuned for more from this crazy life. Next time I swear to Stephanie Pearl-McPhee that I will post photos and stories of my knitting adventures.